Circuses Across the US Suffer Loss of Attendance after Political Protests

(Dissociated Press) Multiple Circuses across the United States of America are suffering losses in attendance at their shows after a wave of protests targeting Republican Party officials supporting President Donald Jay Trump and Democratic Party officials who are aligned with Senator Charles Scooter Schumer. The protests are more often directed towards the Republicans according the multiple outlets investigating the matter. Bailey and Bully Ringleaders Circus Clown Jared Fonda mentioned an an interview regarding the protest, “I just make balloon animals.”

Ringleaders United CEO Johnny Cashew expressed concern online writing on the popular Dos Equis forum, True Beards, “We are not political in any way, please stop protesting at our shows. You’re driving customers away.”  In response, Conservative Analyst Rex Bodymuscle stated, “typical liberal tries to repress our freedom of speech. Seeya noontime, we’re coming to protest.”

Clowns of America, a nonprofit that help circus clowns deal with traumatic injuries and chronic mental health issues released several PSA’s urging the public not to protest at circuses. Regarding the educational initiative, Clowns of America CEO Mark Camel released a statement reading, “the public needs to understand the difference between a political clown show and a real one, we don’t make policy decisions that affect your everyday life, we are simple entertainers that cream pie each other.”

Incidents involving protesters have occurred at several protests. In New Killington, Delaware, a circus manager was involved in an altercation with protestors dressed as balloon animals. The incident eventually required police intervention. Another incident in Fairmount, Nevada resulted in several casualties after a lion tamer was hit in the head with a beer bottle from a man with a T-Shirt reading “Kid Rock would be the cool Grandpa”. Several of the tamer’s lions attacked people, eating three whole protesters. Authorities are still searching for the man who threw the beer bottle, anyone with information is urged to contact Fairmount Police Chief David Cereal.

Some Political Analysts are suggesting the trend of Republicans having more protests is associated with the party in power. David Copperman wrote on popular Pokemon website Serebii.net that, “it’s no surprise to me that the Republicans are seeing more protests focused on them. Nobody is ever satisfied with the political party in power, more so this time.” Liberal Commentator Johnson Weiner, self proclaimed cousin of Anthony Weiner, wrote in response, “it’s no surprise that this is a surprise for surprised Republicans. Elephants are circus animals.”